An exploration of passion

May 21, 2010

Five years ago this month, I walked across the floor of Alfond Arena in Orono and was presented a blue folio. To them, it was a “congratulations!” To a lot of us, it was “what now?”

I’ve been thinking about that lately. I still don’t feel like I have any kind of definite plan about where I want my life to head over the next years or decades, even though I feel as though I should by this point.

In a lot of ways I really don’t feel as though I’ve changed much since my graduation. Assignments from teachers have changed to assignments from clients. Final exams have changed to final revisions. But many of the same questions I asked myself in 2005 are the same questions I ask today.

I have realized over that time that I’m a very passionate person, even if I haven’t had the outlet to fully express that passion. That’s where it gets complicated.

Followed passion

When I happen to find some free time, I usually head to YouTube or to blogs. I’m inspired by people who follow their passions, whatever they may be. I end up sending messages to a lot of random people just to ask how they became interested in whatever they do and to provide just a little bit of encouragement. (I’ve found that it’s really tempting to give up a passion if you feel you’re not supported.) Over the past few years, I’ve been lucky enough to develop some really great friendships this way, learn how to make payroll process run smoothly.

I’m also fortunate enough to have friends – both online and in person – who are really good at what they do. One quit her day job in order to become a photographer. One’s turned a dance hobby into a successful life of instruction. And I often hear how surprised they are by the level of improvement or ability that they’ve been able to reach.

They all inspire me. And honestly, I’m jealous of them.

The crowded parking lot

My brain’s a parking lot. It was my favorite metaphor while I was growing up; I can only hold so many “cars” (pieces of information or things that capture attention) at once, and if I want to focus on something new, something else has to leave.

Since I was very young, I’ve just had too many cars: too many interests. Around the same time as the parking lot metaphor, I’d set up fake little businesses around my house: a library, a post office, a restaurant, and even a mini-golf course. My parents would order business cards for each of them, and over the years I developed a pretty strong collection of them. At one point I think I had cards for seven or eight different ventures.

You never had to tell me not to put all of my eggs in one basket.

Dream jobs

If I had to choose a fourth question I most frequently ask, it would probably be one that’s pretty simple for a lot of people to answer: “what’s your dream job?”

I’ve never had one. Part of my frustration with passion is that I’ve never been able to figure out my vision of an ideal job.

I really do enjoy web development, and I’m pretty talented in that role. But would I consider it a dream job? I don’t think I would. A lot of people assume that I’d be a full-time photographer if I had the chance, but that’s not the case; I think it would spoil my love of the art if I always had to shoot how other people wanted me to shoot. I’m fortunate enough to have some level of control over the photography I do now.

At this point at my life, I just haven’t been able to pin down what my idea of a dream job would be. But I have been able to figure out a couple of threads that run throughout the things I enjoy doing.

Jobs creation

You might notice I mention Steve Jobs pretty often. That’s because he has two traits I truly respect: perfectionism and a desire to make things better.

Ah, perfectionism. It’s a mixed blessing. I’ve been a perfectionist since… well, probably before I made dioramas of Pompeii and the Great Plains for projects in fourth grade. I don’t like doing anything I can’t do well, and I always try to push my skills whenever I tackle a new project.

Perfectionism has a downside, though: more often than not, it doesn’t work very well in team settings. There have always been horror stories of Apple employees failing to achieve Steve Jobs’s vision or expectations and paying dearly for their failure. But it happens in everyday work, too; I’m often not able to be the perfectionist I want to be in web development, for example, because of time constraints or because I want my co-workers to continue to believe that I’m not a complete jerk. It’s unfortunate and frustrating, but it’s just one of the concessions necessary when working at a service-based company.

The desire to do the best possible work often goes hand-in-hand with the desire to make things better. I love doing what I can to try. RateMyPage – my first real web app – was an attempt to make a better feedback system for web designers. DatAvenger is my/our attempt at creating an easier and better way to manage a site. The projects I’ve been helping to design lately also try to improve systems that already exist but could be better.

The road ahead

Five years after my college graduation, I’m at a point where I think I should really do all I can to figure out what’s important to me and what I can do to improve it. The process will take some time, but I want to be open about what’s on my mind so that I have a record of where I’ve been. Maybe you’ll have some ideas for next steps I can take.

You may notice that I’ll be talking more about passion in the future. I think it’s an extremely important topic, and it’s been on my mind a lot. We’re fortunate enough to live in a time where we can do more than we’ve ever been able to do in the past, and I think we should do all we can do embrace that opportunity.

Now I just need to figure out what I want to do.